Hopeless by Colleen Hoover
At first, I thought this would be one of those other books where there was this “loser” heroine and the Golden boy hero whom girls flock to and their main problem would be jealousy and other shallow reasons. But no. This book was so much more than that.
I stare at the note in my hands with a tight-lipped smile, shamefully accepting my self-inflicted fate that will be the next two semesters. I seriously thought people only acted this way in books, but I’m witnessing firsthand that idiots actually exist. I’m also hoping most of the pranks being played at my expense are going to be just like the stripper-cash prank I’m experiencing right now. What idiot gives away money as an insult? I’m guessing a rich one. Or rich ones.
I’m sure the clique of giggling girls behind me that are scantily, yet expensively clad, are expecting my reaction to be to drop my things and run to the nearest restroom crying. There are only three issues with their expectations.
1. I don’t cry. Ever.
2. I’ve been to that restroom and I’ll never go back.
3. I like money. Who would run from that?
This is one of the reasons why I really liked Sky. Though “sheltered” most of her whole life, what with being home-schooled and does not know a whole lot about the public school life, she didn’t take crap like most others would do. Most would just shy away and would not want to bring attention to themselves, but she fought back in her own way, with her witty comebacks, and knew when to just walk away.
I’m curious to get another look at the guy who seemed to be irritated by the leggy blonde. He’s looking down into his wallet, laughing at something his cashier said. As soon as I lay eyes on him, I immediately notice three things:
1. His amazingly perfect white teeth hidden behind that seductively crooked grin.
2. The dimples that form in the crevices between the corners of his lips and cheeks when he smiles.
3. I’m pretty sure I’m having a hot flash.
He’s beautiful. Not beautiful in the pretty-boy sense. Or even in the tough-guy sense. Just a perfect mixture of in-between. Not too big, but not all small. Not too rough, not too perfect. He’s wearing jeans and a white T-shirt, nothing special. His hair doesn’t look like it’s even been brushed today and could probably use a good trim, just like mine.
“But whatever it was, it was ruined just as fast. He’s a dropout, he’s moody, he’s got a temper and… he’s just… he’s hopeless.”
“Dean Holder? Messy brown hair? Smoldering blue eyes? A temper straight out of Fight Club?”
Ah, Holder. With a description like that, what can one say? He really is somewhat perfect, in a way. On the first few chapters of the book, he had a lot of issues which remained a mystery to Sky. He could be so charming and irresistible but he could also go storming out of a room angry and exasperating, but as I went further into the book, it turned out that his were reasonable and understandable.
“You want me to be honest?”
“That’s all I ever want you to be.”
“I don’t know, because you’re skirting around whatever issue it is you have with me like you’re too afraid to say it. Just say it.”
“Sky, if there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s that I don’t do vague. I told you I’ll only ever be honest with you, and to me, vague is the same thing as dishonesty.”
“That’s a pretty vague answer you just gave me”
“I was never asked a question. I’ve told you before, if you want to know something, just ask. You seem to think you know me, yet you’ve never actually asked me anything yourself.”
There was this problem in the book. Well, not problem really, but it was just a tad bit annoying. They were always bickering and fighting the first few chapters that you would wonder if it will ever end. But they flirt a lot, and you would look forward to the next chapter wondering how Holder would make it up to Sky (or vice versa).
If one could have pointed out why relationships don’t work well sometimes, Ms. Colleen Hoover did it in this book. There are fights which could be cleared up right away, and fights that could have been avoided. Just like Sky and Holder, if you just asked the other person and have been honest with them, instead of believing what other people gossip and talk about and you trust that you get an honest answer in return, they could have been saved a lot of heartache.
“Sometimes the simplest questions are the hardest to ask.”
Another reason why this book is so good was because it had a lot of depth. It wasn’t just like any other love story whose content are mostly filled with romantic grand gestures and full of hot sex. This was a tale of two high school students who fell in love, waited even just to kiss and wanted all their firsts to be meaningful. A very good example to people that age, I must say.
“Sky, I’m not kissing you tonight but believe me when I tell you, I’ve never wanted to kiss a girl more. So stop thinking I’m not attracted to you because you have no idea just how much I am. You can hold my hand, you can run your fingers through my hair, you can straddle me while I feed you spaghetti, but you are not getting kissed tonight. And probably not tomorrow, either. I need this. I need to know for sure that you’re feeling every single thing that I’m feeling the moment my lips touch yours. Because I want your first kiss to be the best first kiss in the history of first kisses.”
“The only thing I’m certain about right now is that after this moment, I will never be the same. I know, by the way his existence is like a magnetic pull on my heart, that if he ever hurts me again, I’ll be far from just fine. I’ll be broken.”
If you’ve never fell in love with a character more, you would with Holder. Holder wasn’t one of those bad boy heroes (whom we’ve grown to love too) who takes what he can get and gets it when and how he can. No matter how much Sky pushed, he knew she wasn’t ready and knew when the right time was for everything. That said how much he truly cared for Sky. He understood her in a way she maybe never even understood herself.
“To just end it, not knowing what’s next? Not knowing if there’s anything next? It’s easier to go on living a life without any life left in it than it is to just say ‘fuck it’ and leave.”
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m not suicidal if that’s what’s freaking you out. I’m not fucked up in the head. I’m not deranged. I’m not suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. I’m just a brother who loved his sister more than life itself, so I get a little intense when I think about her. And if I cope better by telling myself that what she did was noble, even though it wasn’t, then that’s all I’m doing. I’m just coping.”
“I fucking loved that girl, Sky. I need to believe that what she did was the only answer she had left, because if I don’t, then I’ll never forgive myself for not helping her find a different one.”
“You have to let it go. You can hold on to the hate and the love and even the bitterness, but you have to let go of the blame. The blame is what’s tearing you down.”
Did I mention that this book had a lot of depth? Well, yeah. Both Sky and Holder went through a lot before they met each other (again). Holder was still marveling at what his sister did, why he never did anything to convince her to do otherwise. He was still angry at himself and felt betrayed because they were twins, they did everything and mostly experienced the same things together, but she took it another way and ended her life instead.
Loss of a loved one changes people. Some never really recover from it, and it is important to have people with you during those times of hardship. Sky and Holder shared their feelings and what was bothering them and helped each other get through it and that was what made their relationship have such a strong foundation.
I want you to remember who you are despite the bad things that are happening to you. Because those bad things aren’t you. They are just things that happen to you. You need to accept that who you are, and the things that happen to you, are not one and the same.
There’s something about a voice that terrifies you that you’ll never be able to forget, no matter what.
Like any other story, this book had a lot of twists and surprises in it too. Deep inside her were memories she somehow suppressed and after spending time with Holder, those memories were slowly unraveled and all of what she knew was put into question. She couldn’t believe that the people closest to her would be capable of doing some things and could lie like she’d been lied to.
People generally don’t believe the negative stuff about people they truly care about. Some would be in denial and choose to ignore it. Some just wouldn’t care. It is hard to grasp that those whom you knew all of your life (especially family) will be capable of doing things you can’t even imagine, but sometimes they do. It’s just a matter of how and what you do with that fact that will make a difference.
And while I could sit here and feel sorry for myself, wondering why all of this happened to me… I’m not going to do it. I’m not going to wish for a perfect life. The things that knock you down in life are tests, forcing you to make a choice between giving in and remaining on the ground or wiping the dirt off and standing up even taller than you did before you were knocked down. I’m choosing to stand up taller. I’ll probably get knocked down a few more times before this life is through with me, but I can guarantee you I’ll never stay on the ground.
This book is more than good. In fact it’s better than good and is probably one of the best out there. It is about loss, tragedy, family, friendship and love. Entertaining, romantic, realistic, and is a book that is meant to be passed around you and your friends. I absolutely loved it.
“Fuck all the firsts, Sky. The only thing that matters to me with you are the forevers.”
😉 pj 😉