As silly as it seemed, I wanted his attention. There was this draw I had to him that I couldn’t explain. The more he kept his distance, the more I wanted to get closer.
The guy was strange. Sexy, gorgeous, and delicious, but strange.
There was no love in his gaze, only lust.
You’re everything a guy like me should stay away from. Because I’m not right for you.
If I let him have my body, he could hurt me in a way no one had ever been able to. My guard would be down.
“Blaire, I’m not a romantic guy. I don’t kiss and cuddle. It’s all about sex for me. You deserve someone who kissed and cuddles. Not me. I just fuck, baby. You aren’t meant for someone like me. I’ve never denied myself something I want. But you’re too sweet. This time, I have to tell myself no.”
“Tastes like candy. Girls shouldn’t taste so sweet. It’s dangerous.”
“Shit, baby. Stop it. I’m going to explode. I’ll give you your release, but when I finally bury myself inside you for the first time, you won’t be sprawled in the back of my car. You’ll be in my bed.”
“Don’t go getting shy on me now. ‘Cause, baby, before the night is over, you will be naked in my bed.”
“Because I’ve had a taste, and I’m not sharing. This isn’t just for fun. I may be slightly addicted.”
You had made your choice, and I was backing off. But what happened in there is only a small taste. That bitch has serious venom in her veins. She is bitter and angry, but when the time comes to choose, Rush will choose her.”
Rush was a puzzle that I might never figure out.
“If you hate it, don’t tell me. My ego can’t handle it.”
Walking away from him, keeping him at a distance, was the smart thing to do. Rush wasn’t and never would be anyone’s Prince Charming. I couldn’t ever let myself think he was the one who would love me and cherish me. He would never be that guy for me. But my heart had grown a little attached to him. It didn’t mean forever, but for right now, I wanted Rush to be my first. He wouldn’t be my last. He’d just stop along the path of life. A stop I might never forget or get over. That was what scared me the most. Not being able to move on.
Inside, I knew he was meant to be the guy who taught me about life. Even if he broke my heart eventually. I turned in his arms and slipped my hands around his neck.
I liked tasting something I knew was unattainable.
“I thought you weren’t a cuddler, Rush.” I said as he ran his nose along my neck and inhaled loudly.
“I wasn’t. Only with you, Blaire. You’re my exception.”
Maybe I was easy, but I didn’t care. I’d missed him today. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back with all the emotion churning inside me that I didn’t quite understand.
“Who do you have?” he asked in a tortured voice.
“I have me. I found out three years ago, when my mom got sick, that as long as I held on to me and didn’t forget who I was, I’d always be OK,” I replied.
I wanted him to remember me. Remember this. I knew our time was limited, and I knew I’d never forget him. Still, I wanted to know that when he walked away, he’d never forget me.
“I’m sorry about Rush. Just for the record, if you’d chosen me, you wouldn’t be working tonight. You’d be on my arm.”
My chest ached. I needed my distance from him. It was time I learned to crawl back into my own little world, where I trusted me and me only. No one else.
“I’m just the girl you fucked the past two nights. All things considered, I’m not that special. I’m one of many.”
“I don’t know what this is that is going on between us, but from the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were going to change my world. I was terrified. The more I watched you, the more you drew me in. I couldn’t get close enough.”
He was ready to let me into his world of secrets. He wanted to keep me. My heart gave up. I’d held back, and I’d fought hard to keep him from taking it over. Still, he managed to own it. Seeing him vulnerable was the last straw. I couldn’t hold back anymore.
“Stay here with your family, Abe. I’m sure they will love you as much as your last one did. Try not to kill any of them,” I spat out.
“I can’t stay here. I can’t see you. You represent the pain and betrayal of not just me but my mom.” I shook my head. “Whatever we had is over. It died the minute I walked downstairs and realized the world I’d always known was a lie.”
He wasn’t what had sent me running. He was what had made me want to stay. Even knowing that everything we might have had was impossible.
Love didn’t lie.
But neither of us could change the past, no matter how badly we wanted to. Neither of us could make this right.
“But I can’t tell you that I understand why you did what you did. It altered my world. That can never be changed.
I would always only have just me. Because this man had taken my heart and destroyed it. Even if he hadn’t meant to. I’d never trust enough to love again.
I didn’t console him. I couldn’t. How could I soothe his ache when mine was a big, gaping hole large enough for both of us to fit in?
Each caress of his tongue was gentle and easy. He wasn’t hungry and demanding. Maybe he already knew this was good-bye. It wasn’t meant to be hard and fast. It was the last memory I’d have of him. Of us. The only one I’d have where a lie didn’t dirty the water. The truth was there between us now.
After today, I would belong only to myself.
His eyes never left mine. I held his gaze. I could see the storm in his eyes. I knew he was confused. I could even see the fear. Then there was love. I saw it. The fierceness in his eyes. I believed it. I could see it clearly. But it was too late now. The love wasn’t enough. Everyone always said that love was enough. It wasn’t. Not when your soul was shattered.
Good-byes weren’t all they were cracked up to be. I knew that now.
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